7 Ways to Not NOT Get Pregnant
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7 Ways to Not NOT Get Pregnant

So you want to have sex but not make a baby?
Well here’s how not to do that. Peeing after sex is not an effective form
of birth control. The urine exits a different whole than the sperm enters. Douching after
sex is not an effective form of birth control. The force of douche being inserted into your
vaginal canal can actually propel those sperm toward your eggs. Ha ha ha, and that’s what
we in the business like to call a douche-baby. Let’s do a little condom math. One condom
plus one condom does not equal twice the protection. It’s only doubling your chances of those condoms
rubbing together and breaking leading to what we in the business like to call a douche baby–no
that’s a different thing. This one’s a big ‘o’ myth: Orgasms are not required to get
pregnant. Although that’s kind of sweet to think that in order for a woman to get pregnant
she needs to climax in fact she doesn’t have to at all. She can just get pregnant. Even
though having vaginal intercourse the first time might not be the best sex you’ll ever
have in the world you can get pregnant. Now on to everyone’s favorite conversation topic
menstruation. You can in fact get pregnant from period sex. Ovulation and your period
can be timed so that if you’ve had sex on your period and sperm lives inside your reproductive
canal for up to 5 days, that sperm and that egg oh they can go, ‘oh hey, how’s it going?
What’s up let’s fertilize. Let’s make a fetus!’ And that’s the magic of pregnancy. Speaking
of menstruation even if a girl has never had her period it’s still possible for her to
get pregnant. For some girls they will ovulate before their first period. So if they have
sex during that ovulation, they can get pregnant and since they haven’t had a period and won’t
have a period because they’re pregnant it’ll probably take longer for that pregnancy to
be detected. Some women are hesitant to use certain forms of birth control because of
misconceptions about them. IUDs do not cause miscarriages. The way that IUDs or interuterine
devices prevent pregnancy from happening is by either killing the sperm which is what
copper IUDs do or by blocking the sperm from entering the uterus which is what hormonal
IUDs do. They do not and I repeat do not induce miscarriage. When it comes to the morning
after pill or emergency contraception, a lot of people get this confused with a medicated
abortion and they are not the same things. The way the morning after pill works is that
it kills whatever remaining sperm that are living inside of you, which is why you’re
supposed to use emergency contraceptive up to 5 days after unprotected sex or if you’ve
had an incident where you suspect that ejaculate has gotten inside of you. Hence it is a contraceptive
and not an abortifacient. For the same reason that I beat the drum about the importance
of sexual consent I wanted to debunk these myths not to make sex scary but to make it
more enjoyable so that while it’s happening you can devote more of your brain space to
ahhhh, sex and less of it to OMG, pregnancy! Educate yourself. Be fun, have safe, blah,
blah, blah [laughing]. This is what sex looks like people. It only twices [laughing]. 9
months later [farting sound]. They do not and I repeat do not [laughing]. Myth busted.
Busted. Busted. Sex baby, talking about you and me, talk about dancing in the club. This
is not an effective form of birth control although it is an effective form of getting
people to not want to have sex with you probably. Same with this. You want to do it? No? Okay.
You want to do it? No? Okay. See, consent.


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