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*Screaming* BEEP Joe: *old frail voice* Welcome to Suggy’s surgery. First things first Conner, where’s you heart? In my ball, no joking. *BEEP* So the other day I was scrolling through the internet, as I do and I came across a video of a lady and her partner and the lady has strapped this guy up to a labor pain machine and was letting him know what it’s like to have a baby. Now I’ve… *scary music* never had a baby *baby cry* as you can probably imagine, neither has Connor here. Connor: Hmmm…. Joe: Connor’s probably got children out there.
Connor: Oh I’ve dabbled, I’ve dabbled, just a bit. You all know Connor Maynard. You know he’s down well got some kids out there somewhere. Joe: He doesn’t know where they are, but he’s got some kids. Children, if you’re out there, please reach out to me. So all the mothers out there that have probably had Connor’s children in the past… It’s now time to enjoy watching him go through the same process. And like me, you won’t be there. *laughing* *BEEP* Boys always say the worst pain in the world is getting kicked in the balls… but girls always say the worst pain in the world is having a child. I’ve heard a very good answer to that though. Oh? Did you ever hear a guy, y’know a year later after getting kicked in the balls go… Fancy being kicked in the balls again? *laughing* That’s a very good point. *BEEP* So I looked on Amazon for a kick in the balls simulator, and they don’t have that. You just gotta get a kick in the balls. But I do have… I mean it is basically is a tens machine but this one’s a lot more extreme and it basically gives you different levels of contractions. Contractions? I thought I’d make this into some sort of sadistic game, so today we are playing… *Joe singing Justin Bieber’s “Baby”* Connor: *AHHHHHHH* So before we start the game, Connor if you would like to go through to the changing area you will find your special outfit for today’s video. So in this tray is a series of questions that I asked you guys on Twitter to send in which are questions that only girls should know. Cause I feel like y’know, as like our group of boys we don’t know enough about the opposite sex. Men are from Mars, girls are from Venus so we don’t really know enough about each other. So I thought this quiz will help. Everytime, Connor… you can sit down now Connor. Connor: Thanks. *sexy music playing*
Joe: Take a seat. Oh you look beautiful. Connor: Oh you can see my bare back.
Joe: You can, it’s like a mother’s back. *BEEP* So I’m gonna hook Connor up to the labor pain simulator and for every time you get a question wrong about girls
Connor: *wheeze* You will get a contraction.
Connor: Hmm I’m like Joe, Joe, my water broke. Yeah, I know Connor you just *beep* up. *BEEP* Connor lets strap you up to the machine. Oh my *beep* God. Would you like to expose your vagi… uh stomach. Oh! That looks like a boy! Hey-ey. I didn’t know you were circumcised. *BEEP* I’m just gonna test it madame. Oh my God, are you serious? If you’d like to… can you feel that? No. Can you feel that? *AH* Yeah. Joe: Yeah you feel that?
Connor: *laughing* yeaaaah, I can feel it.
Joe: Okay, great. Oh GOD!! Okay Connor, first question… This question comes in from Holly and she says on Twitter, Uhhh, in case they have a camel toe? *ERRR* It’s wrong, I’m sorry you’re going to have your first contraction of the day, here we go. Joe: Do you feel th-
Connor: *AHHHHHHH* Can you feel it? Is it bad? Ye-sss. AHHHHH. My womb is tingling. *BEEP* Okay next question Connor. Oh this is a singing related question, you’ll like this! Sing the next line from the Cyndi Lauper classic, ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” *singing* I come home in the mornin’ light… What? Here we go *music playing intro to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun* Oooh, and what’s the next line? Mmmmy… I have no, I actually have no idea. *ERR* So close, yet so far.
Joe: Oh I can feel another contraction coming on Here it comes! AHHHHHH. *BEEP*
Joe: We’re on full, that’s full. AHHHHHH
Joe: *laughing* Is that a big one? AHHH *BEEP* Oh that was a big one *BEEP* Next one, this one comes in from h. moonlightlove *clicks tongue* What do they mean? It’s the cup size. YES YOU’RE RIGHT! WOOOO!
Joe: You’re correct. Creeping around at someones has finally paid off! *BEEP* Alright, next question comes in from Zara Nixon, she says… Baked? Baked. Connor: In makeup?
Joe: Yeah. In terms of makeup what does baked mean? Uhhh…. It’s something to do with concealer. Baked means… umm… Connor: Trying to buy my time here.
Joe: You’re really trying to think. I’m just gonna start giving you slow contractions until you… Nooo, noo! Lets be on 2. Lets go to 3. *Connor wheezing* Come on, make a decision Connor. It means that, it means that it’s like darker than dark. You mean that it makes it darker than usual? Yeah. The actual answer is: it means to let concealer sit on your face for 20 minutes before blending it so it melts into your skin and makes it change colour. That’s exactly… that’s pretty much what I said. Should we give him that point? *off camera “No”* *ERRR* Sorry, my nurse on duty, nurse Anth says no. We’re going to go up to 5 and a half now. AHHHHHH Do you wanna hold nurse Anth’s hand? Anth help me! There you go This is your baby! Mop his brow. Here we go… 3… 2… 1 AHHHHHHHH *Screaming cont.*
Joe: That’s 5. AHHHHHHHH… OOWWWW…. OH FU-….. uh, oh my god. I don’t know if I can take any harder than that. You are doing so well. Oh, I can see that top of it’s head! I can see the head! *BEEP* Okay, you should be able to get this one. Oh for fu-… What? If girls sync with each other, what does that mean? Oh, there periods are at the same time. Do you know what, I’m gonna give that to you. *DING DING* I’m gonna let you have that. After spending a long period of time …Ooh pun… with each other, your periods begin to arrive at the same time. That was sent in by Janie. Thanks Janie. Wait, I lost my pregnancy pillow. I’ve lost me pregnancy pillow. *BEEP* This one comes in from Deluxeheart, Connor… A week. Sorry, I can’t give it to you. *ERR* The answer on my card anyways is 3-5 days. But I’m sure it varies for different people. A short week. Weekend. I didn’t include weekends in my week! By the ways guys some of these questions might not be right in your eyes but I’m just saying what’s written on my card okay? So we’re gonna go to 6 now… *hysterically* nooo, don’t, don’t! God! Comin’ in 3… 2…. 1 AHHHHHHHHH *BEEP* OOOOH FUUU-…. FUUUUUU-…. I CAN’T DO IT… OOOWWWW. Connor: Oh my god.
Joe: OOOH, you farted! You farted haven’t you? He’s had a baby! It’s a giant gas cloud. *BEEP* This is from Charlotte… Joe: *laughing* You know this Anth? See even… Foundation. Oooh Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor… Foundation is right! *DING DING* Yeah it’s right. *BEEP* This is quite an easy one, you should be able to get this. Actually to be fair, it’s a multiple choice. Around 40% of woman crave non-food items to eat whilst pregnant but which of these isn’t a common craving? Is it: a) charchoal
Is it: b) sponges
Is it: c) Lego
Or is it: d) clay What? 3 of them woman crave when they’re pregnant, believe or not. Charcoal You’re going with charcoal. Well you’re thick. It was actually Lego. *ERR* What?! Why would anyone want to eat Lego when they’re pregnant? Oh! I thought you meant like something they want, they crave it that’s non-edible. No! So like they just want it in their lives. They eat charcoal, they’ll eat sponges and they’ll eat clay. People crave eating clay. Oh! But I thought when you said non- edible you meant just something they would play with. Oh no, I feel so sorry for you. Here we go at number 7. AHHHHHHHH FUUUU-…. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. It’s getting to the point where like I can’t even scream. It’s not letting me make any noise. *laughing* Oh my God!! I love this game so much. *BEEP* How much is a pack of Tampax Compact Regular tampons x20, so you get 20 in a box Quite generous. From the supermarket Seinsbury’s? Should get to have like a range? In the nearest 50p, I’ll give it to ya. 50p?! Yeah, in the nearest 50p I’ll give it to you. Give me in the nearest 2 pounds. No, 50p either way. Trust me, trust me on this. How many? A pack of 20. 3 pound 50. Bear in mind we’re in the nearest 50p, you’ve only gone and got it wrong! It’s 2 pound 50. Ah for *BEEP* sake! Why’d I add the 50p? Hold onto my arm if you want. 3…. 2….1…. AHHHHHHHH Joe: Yes good! *near silent suffering*… *BEEP* *squeaking* You start to squeeze, the vein in your neck is bigger than my arm. How you feeling? Not good. Not good at all. Do you want some more gas and air? *Fart sound* Ah, there you go. *BEEP* Okay, last question, this is quite hard I’ll give it to you the nearest 2 pounds. What is the average price… of a bra in the U.K.? Think like… Xbox games back in the day. 40 quid. *deep breath* Connor’s going for 40 quid… *sigh* Connor. You said Xbox games… Xbox games were 40 quid! Were they, I always thought they were 30! *ERR* I was gonna say 30 until you said… I was gonna say 30 till you said the Xbox *BEEP* thing. Okay, I’m gonna go to 8 I reckon. Oohhh for *BEEP* sake. You ready for this? But would you’ve done that if the babies coming out? 3…. 2…. 1…. *near silent suffering* You’re doing well! You’re doing well! Oh it’s here! It’s here! *POP* OH, WE DID IT! Connor: We did it, we did it!
Joe: You’ve had it! *choir music* Stand next to me, stand next to me! *mumbling* Turn it off. *hysterical* TURN IT OFF. Aren’t you proud of your new baby? It’s another one! It’s twins! You’ve done it. *BEEP* Connor, it might have been a lot of pain in the video but look what you came away with. Yup, my little Chiko. So there we go guys, I hope you enjoyed that video if… All my work for nothing?! So there you go, I hope you enjoyed the video. If you did give it a big thumbs up, subscribe to Connor for being a great sport. Connor, do you know what? It may have been a lot of pain but you now get the pleasure of nominating the next person from our group of mates who goes through this. It has to be Mikey. A million percent Mikey, I want to see Mikey next. Okay guys, Mikey I’m coming for you for this next challenge. Shout out to nurse Anth, who’s doing his hair in the mirror. Tell you what, you will get the sack. You’ve done nothing this whole video! You’ve been useless! Subscribe to Connor, subscribe to myself and I will see you next week with another Sugg Sunday Special. Cheers, goodbye.


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