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Eugene Babysits Ned’s Baby


– Today, I’m going to babysit
Wes for the first time. (Wes cries) What do we do? What am I doing? Just tell me what you want! (Eugene groans) (sighs) (rock music) About half a year ago,
one of my best friends and his wife decided to
bring a baby into this world. And in doing so, there’s the expectation that I’m supposed to care. Obviously, I love my friends. By proxy, I should love the baby. However, I’m just not a baby person. If you’ve ever seen a Try Guys video, you know I’m just not
the most paternal type. He hates looking at me. I prefer dogs over babies. – We’ve done some videos
with babies before. They haven’t always gone well. – Yeah, I’m not excited about meeting it. Should I stop saying it? – Do you want to hold him? – No, I don’t. The other Try Guys thought
it’d be a pretty funny idea to tweet out to our followers that if we got over 10K retweets, then I would be forced to babysit Wes. And we surpassed that pretty quickly. I think this is a
terrible idea all around. I don’t want to be around the baby. Ned and Ariel are going to leave
me for the day to watch it. Him. I keep doing that, I’m sorry. I have no idea what to do with a baby. With today’s task, we
have some rules set up. One, I can’t ask the
camera crew or our staff to help me when I don’t know what to do. Ned and Ariel are going
to be taking a break. While I babysit, they’re
going to go on a date. And I have one lifeline:
I can FaceTime them once if I have a question that
desperately needs help. So no drinking around the baby. One thing I think Uncle Eugene
can teach Baby Wes is fashion so I got him this cute
little suit outfit online with a matching hat so he can match me. It’s just me and Wesley
Daquan Jermaine Fulmer. I just have to keep him alive, right? (knocks) – Hello! – Hi!
– Hey! – Did someone order the
world’s worst babysitter? – Yeah! (laughs) – You’re gonna have so much fun! – Yeah.
– Come on in. – Okay. What’s on your shirt? – Oh this? Oh, you know,
that’s just some spit up. – It’ll dry.
– When do they stop drooling so much? – When they go to college. – Yeah I tried to dress up because I feel like this might actually
be his first impression. – That’s like you’re washable suit, right? – No.
– It’s great that you look nice but
that suit will get dirty. – You may be taking off
your clothes. (laughs) – I’m used to that. – Bottles are in here. – Okay. – So, breast milk. – Is that your milk? – It is my milk. – Wow, congratulations!
– It is from my breasts. – That’s so much! – I know. Thank you. – So you put it in the bottle warmer here. Put that inside the bottle like that. Put that on top like that. – And then you’re done. – And then you’re done
and good to feed him. – And make sure it’s
not too hot or too cold. – Right.
– Oh that’s why people squirt it on
their hand in the movies. – Yes. – Whenever he’s fussing or crying, they only need four things right now. Eating. – Wes eats solids now. You’re going to be feeding him some– – Pasta. – No. They’re like purees. – Oh that’s cute.
– Yeah. – Sleeping. – This is the baby monitor
and you can actually see him in his crib and hear him.
– Oh yeah. – Playing. – He likes tummy time so
you’ll put him on his back and he’ll kinda play
with the little things and then he’ll flip over and– – He can flip himself over? – He can flip himself over. – So he’s not like a turtle right now. – He’s not like a turtle.
– Okay. – And pooping. – He can flip off of his changing table so make sure you have–
– That’s terrifying. – We always sort of put this on his butt. – Even in the crack part of the… – Yeah. – Well I guess we should get over the first hurdle then, which is– – I think it’s time for you to hold him. – Oh my gosh. – You want to hold him? – No, I don’t. – Okay.
– You ready? – Yeah, alright. As long
as he doesn’t…okay. Oh God!
(laughter) – You got it. Hi, honey. Hi. – That’s Uncle Eugene. Yeah. – I don’t think he likes it. – I think he’s fine.
– Oh he totally likes it. – We’re going to be gone for
five-ish hours. Is that okay? – We didn’t talk about five hours. (Wes whimpers) – Oh shoot. Oh fudge. – Where do you keep your… – Cleaning supplies? – I was going to ask
drinks but… (laughs) – Oh! – I won’t drink on the job. – Thanks. – Well, say bye to your parents. It’s time for Uncle Eugene time. Alright.
– Good luck! – Bye! (Wes cries)
– Okay, it’s okay. – Oh of course, right when you leave. It’s okay. Hi. What are we gonna do today, buddy? (Wes coos) Oh I know! Well, that was kinda cute. Let’s put you on the ground. That seems like the
right thing to do, right? Okay you ready, you ready?
You having a good time? Oh man, he likes that. And like a seal, just gonna put you down. Look at that. Look at that. Wow! Okay, I’m gonna take this off. Doing good. I’m doing good.
See? He’s on the ground. (sighs) I got this. I got this. I’m a good uncle. (Wes whimpers) Whaddya need? Whaddya need? Whaddya need? Whaddya need? What do you want? (Wes whimpers) I don’t speak that language. Do you want to get up? Okay, let’s let go of that. Do you want anything– (Wes cries) Oh, what is it? What is it? What is it? It’s okay, it’s okay. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Oh, I know, I know! I’m sorry! (Wes cries) Okay, okay. Come on. It’s okay. It’s okay. (Wes stops crying) Oh! It’s like he knows what’s happening. He got quiet all of a sudden. Wow, you see that? Yeah, yeah. That’s yummy. It’s mommy’s milk! He’s hungry. I figured it out! – He needs to eat every three hours. – Even through the night? – Yeah.
– Well, right now yeah. (Eugene and Ned laugh loudly) – That’s why parents look so tired. (lullaby music) ♪ Milky, milky, drinky milk.
How he likes to sip his milk. ♪ I’m sweating already. Is
it hot in here to you guys? (Wes coos) (Eugene snickers) Do people like this cute? Is this cute? Wow, it looks like he’s falling asleep. Is he gonna get sleepy after this? Look at his eyes. He looks so drunk. (slurrs) Hey, it’s me, Wesley. (slurrs) I just want everyone to know (slurrs) that I’m really in love with… Step one done. They said I
had to burp him now, right? Give a little burp, give
a little burp, baby. Burp it out. Burp it out, girl. (slow motion speech) Oh, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Do you feel
better? Do you feel better? Oh you do, did you? Oh there you go. (Eugene groans)
(Wes whimpers) I don’t like this. Okay, let’s go to bed. Ugh, I’m covered in baby puke. I should change his diaper first. Okay, seat belt, seat belt. Hand on you. (sighs nervously) Which one’s the front,
which one’s the front? This is the front? Off with the dirty diaper. Why are his balls so big? Is that normal? Chicken legs, chicken
legs. You’re a chicken! The baby butt Chap Stick. And on the booty in the crack. They said really get it in the crack. Are these high-waisted? Is this the whole thing with diapers? Are they supposed to be really high? Hi! (clicks tongue repeatedly) Am I sweating? Am I sweating? (sighs) This is a lot of work, guys. (sighs) We did it, Wesley! – He loves to grab leaves off of things. – He destroyed our basil plant. – Would he grab my hair then? – Oh absolutely.
– Oh yeah, watch out for that. – There we go. Look at
that. I’m like a tree. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (laughs) Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We can stop that now. Alright, are you sleepy?
Are you sleepy now? There we go. Look at you. It’s to shut the baby up. (laughs) (Wes giggles)
Here it comes, yeah! – He needs to sleep every two hours or so. – She said he’d be sleepy by now. He’s still fussing. (Wes giggles)
I know. Oh, I know. (whispers) He’s not sleepy. (whispers) Maybe he’ll fall
asleep if we leave him. Go to sleep. I feel like I
shouldn’t leave him right now. Maybe I should make him fall asleep? I mean, help him fall asleep? (chuckles) ♪ Rockabye baby on the tree top. ♪ ♪ Go the fuck to sleep. ♪ (Wes cries) What is it? What do you need? I tried to sleep him. I fed him. I changed his diapers. Does that mean he just wants to play? He just wants to play? It’s playtime? I guess we’re not sleeping.
I guess we’re playing. – You need to stimulate him. – You need to talk to
him. We dance with him. – Yeah.
– And sing to him. – Look, you’re like an old chair. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Koong, koong, koong, koong. What is he doing? Is he alive? (laughs) Okay. Maybe now I can put him down. He won’t whine because he got fed. Hey, Wesley, what are you doing? What’s he doing? Wesley. What is he doing? (Wes flatulates) (laughs loudly) (claps) Did you guys hear him
fart? (laughs loudly) (Wes whimpers)
– Wesley, what do you want? I did all the steps. Do you want to sleep? I
can’t get you to sleep. (Wes whimpers)
It’s okay. I think I should call Ned and Ariel to find out how to get him to sleep, or I don’t know what he wants now. Hey. – Hey, Wes, hi!
– Hi, honey! Hi boo-boo! – I put him down to bed
but he wouldn’t go to bed. He was just rocking around. I kept trying to rock him to sleep but he kept playing with me. So, how do I get him to bed,
or is he just trying to play? – Yeah. Well, now he’s overtired now. – It’s probably that.
– You missed naptime. – What does that mean? – Really, really overwhelmed and there’s a bunch of sensation
happening all the time. If he’s awake for even two hours he has to have a nap so
that his brain can process everything that’s just happened. You wanna teach him what’s
called “self-soothing skills” so you put him down
drowsy but still awake. (Wes cries) Oh, it’s okay. – [Ariel] Hold him and
bounce him and rock him. And then once he tries to fall asleep then I would put him down in his crib and give him the pacifier. (Wes cries)
– What’s this? Oh, it’s okay. (Wes stops crying) – (whispers) Okay, okay, okay. (whispers) Oh! It’s okay. Oh, there we go. Down for the count. He’s out. You know what that means. It’s drinking time for daddy. Hey, let’s check out what the
Fulmers’ got on their bar. They got a 12-year-old Macallan whiskey. You know what, though. I am watching their baby so I
shouldn’t be drinking whiskey. Ugh, chardonnay. (scoffs) I’m not really a chard guy. I’m more of a sauvignon blanc but desperate times call
for desperate measures. And I gotta be in the role, you know? I gotta be like Ariel and Ned. (imitates) Hi, I am Eugene
Fulmer. (fake laughs) (imitates) You know, sometimes I just like (imitates) to have a nice soaking chard. I got my monitor and I got my wine. I guess we’ll just sit around and do stuff outside of parenting? Oh my God, he just woke up.
(Wes cries on monitor) He woke up, he woke up. See? He’s making the noises. Hey, buddy. Hi. You wanna come up? Wanna get up? (gasps loudly) Here we go. Woo! He looks wide awake
now, huh? Here we go. (Wes whimpers)
Look at me. (gasps loudly) Look at me, what do you want? (Wes cries) Okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. Ouch, my head. Shh, shh, shh.
(dog barks) It’s okay. Maybe he’s hungry. (Wes cries) Oh! Are you hungry? Was that it? She said we can do butternut squash. Am I supposed to heat this up or no? I can’t remember. I’m gonna say no. (pen clatters on floor) No! (whispers) Oh shit. (whispers) Oh fuck. Oh shit. Ooo. Yum. Yum, I think. Oh, I know! Yum yums! There we go. Totally missed the mouth. (chuckles) Yeah, it’s a lot like taking
care of a drunk person. Okay, we’re really just
making a mess aren’t we? All the way in the mouth, all the way in. (playful sounds) Find your mouth. There we go. You are a mess, child. Yeah, that’s my… (Wes whimpers) It’s okay. Oh no. That’s
enough food for you. That’s enough food. You wanna put on a different outfit? You’re so messy. So let’s put on what I
brought for you, yeah? (Wes cries)
It’s okay. Here we go. Cheating. Eugene’s cheating. I’m gonna get the outfit that I got you. Oh no. Stay, Wes. Easy, baby. Ah-ha! Look at this! Now the challenge is
learning how to dress a baby. Here we go. Look at that. Halfway there. Now we’re putting this through. Oh, it’s like you know how
to put on your couture suit. There we go. (Wes whimpering) Oh, it’s okay. It’s just
formal wear. It’s just formal. Oh! Shhhhii…take. (gasps) You look so good!
Look at you! Look at that! How does that look? Wee! Wee! Wee!
(Wes giggles) Wee! Wee!
(Wes giggles) Wow, he really likes this game. (Wes cries) Waa!
(Wes giggles) One, two, three, woo! (Wes giggles) We sorta traded roles. Now he’s suited up and I look like a crazy parent. Last thing of a parent,
a cute-ass picture. Say baby! (camera shutter clicks) Alright, are you ready
to learn some words? Oh, how did you… How do
you open up my shirt so much? Scoot over. There we go. You ready? He made a long, straight
path so he wouldn’t get lost. He set off on his walk, taking his big purple crown with him. He didn’t want to get lost in the woods so he made a very small
forest with just one tree. (Wes cries)
(toy rattles) Oh, it’s okay. A nice simple picnic lunch. There was nothing but pie. – [Ned and Ariel] Hello! – And there were all nine kids of pie. – How is it going? – He’s good. – Yeah? – I put him in his new outfit. – [Ned and Ariel] Oh my God! (laughter) – Look at him! Oh my goodness, Wesley. Yeah. Did you have the most fun time? – Well, he seems very happy. – Yeah, thank you so much, Eugene. – You’re very welcome.
– I mean, he’s alive. – It went better than I expected. I was pretty stressed most of the time but I can only imagine that’s probably how you feel like right now. – Yeah. – I think you guys must be crazy exhausted so tons of props to you and
all the parents out there. – Did you feel like you got a chance to connect with him emotionally? – I don’t think we connected emotionally in a way that you guys connect to him. Obviously, I’m not his parent. The whole day was just trying
to figure out what he needed. So I was just more stressed
than emotional, really. But–
– So no is the answer. No, it’s a different type. So I don’t think we had a moment but… I will murder anyone
who tries to hurt him. – That…
– Yeah, that sounds right. – So, Eugene, we have
actually another date next Wednesday night if you’re interested in babysitting again.
– Yeah, I mean… – If Keith or Zach are
not available, I’ll do it. – Whoa! – Oh! You’d just me
before you’d trust Zach? – Yeah, you’re now higher
on the list than Zach. – What? – I didn’t know you had Macallan. – Oh yeah. – Yeah I was like oh! Oh… Put that back. – Well, we’ll get a
little… Just a little bit. – Are you serious? You’re
gonna open the Macallan for me? – Yeah! – Yay! Eugene gets his bottle! – [All] To adult time! – Adult time!
– Adult time! – Yeah. Right? So that they can
(Wes cries on monitor) bring us the outfits. – Uh oh. – I’m on it. (silence) – Wait for it.
(Wes cries on monitor) – Oh!
– I got it. – Okay. – Tag team. Teamwork.
– (Deep exhale) -Teamwork! Thank you Eugene. -Do you love baby Wes now? -Almost as much as I love our new merch! -Check it out! We’ve got mugs, we’ve got apparel all at tryguys.com -Hey Ned am I really not allowed to babysit Wes? -Try guys dot com! -Try guys dot com… (rock music) – By the end of today, I’m like, man, if someone tries to come for Wes, you call me up, I will
stab him in that face. – Yeah. – I will stab anyone in the–
– Cut a bitch. I will cut all the bitches.

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