My Stillbirth Story | 25 weeks 3 days pregnant | pre-ecampsia/eclampsia & eclamptic seizures
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My Stillbirth Story | 25 weeks 3 days pregnant | pre-ecampsia/eclampsia & eclamptic seizures


Hi guys welcome back to my youtube
channel. I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve sat down and filmed a
video but I really felt like this one was necessary. Not only for my own
personal benefit but maybe for somebody else who could possibly be going through
the same thing. First off I want to start with we now live in Hawaii so we moved
here almost two months ago and also that I was recently pregnant with my second
pregnancy. I just want to start this story off with, um, pregnancy history
so that might help and share a little bit of the background on my
personal history with pregnancy. In September of 2017 (meant to say 2018), I had a miscarriage at
eight weeks and then about ten months later on July 4th 2019 I found out I was
pregnant again and on November 28 2019 I gave birth to my son but he was
stillborn at 25 weeks and 3 days so, um, I gave birth to him only two weeks
ago. It’s still very very fresh but I feel like talking about it could help
and if this could help anybody else then that would make me extremely happy and
make me feel like this is giving me a purpose so I’m not going to cry in this
video this is my second time filming this I want to be able to share his
story because he’s very important to me and put out some awareness out there for
infant loss and things like that it’s so much more common than people think and I
really never thought that this would happen to me I’m young
and 22 years old, I’m healthy, I’ve always been healthy I’ve never had
health problems or anything like that things like this they they don’t
discriminate they go after people who are healthy who are young. So I think
sharing this could be extremely beneficial to people so I’m just going
to start at the beginning I started to have extremely bad migraines the Sunday
before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was on Thursday. I thought that these headaches
were just due to pregnancy it’s very common for pregnant women to get
headaches your hormones are crazy things like that I haven’t had any indication
whatsoever that a headache would be a bad thing. The headache lasted for five
days and as the five days progressed the headache and slowly got more and more
intense. I felt I believe the wording that he
used to tell my husband was, “Nick I seriously feel like my brain is going to
explode and come out of my ears.” I kept saying that over and over and I was just
sobbing in bed couldn’t sleep I seriously felt like I was going insane.
The only safe medication and my doctor told me that I could take was
Tylenol so I was taking the max dose of Tylenol that I was allowed to take and
it seriously did not touch my headache it did not help at all I was like this
is useless what’s the point of me even loading myself up a tylenol it its not
even going to help with the headache kind of thing. So..If you hear a
helicopter I’m sorry military life there’s always helicopters
flying over my house. I equated these headaches to be from pregnancy hormones
things like that my entire pregnancy thus far was completely healthy there
was no indication of anything. The baby was
extremely active he was always kicking and wiggling around and always had a
very strong heartbeat always in like 145 to 150 beats per minute so I never had
any indication that anything would be wrong at all so after five days of this
headache slowly getting more and more intense to the point I felt like I was
going absolutely insane not getting good to sleep you know it’s not good to not
get good sleep because that can slowly make you feel sick and things like that
so I ended up calling the advice nurse line that is offered through my
insurance and I spoke to an RN and she asked me a bunch of questions, how far
along was I, was I dizzy, was I nauseous like kind of headache wear on my head
things like that after I told her all of that she advised that I just better be
safe than sorry just go into the ER be checked out they can give me some
pregnancy safe pain medication that’s stronger and get this headache knocked
out so I can finally have some relief. Because obviously the tylenol rest and
drinking tons of water was not helping at all so after we got off the phone
with the nurse advice line I decided to take her advice and we started to get
ready. My husband got our son ready which I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned on
my channel before but I have a almost four year old stepson and he lives with
us so he went and got him ready and himself ready and went downstairs to get
shoes on things like that get the car loaded up let the dog out. You know all
that good stuff because this was about 7:30 in the morning so we haven’t gotten
out of bed yet as soon as I sat up out of bed I got so nauseous
even more nauseous than I felt in my first trimester and I haven’t been
nauseous at all this entire pregnancy so I told Nick it was like all right
well you can go downstairs I’ll meet you there I need to go to the bathroom to
get sick. So I did that and let me tell you it was absolutely horrible I’ve
never been so violently ill in my entire life it was awful
all I had on my stomach was Tylenol and water so it was just horrible.
Just to say the least to kind of keep it non TMI it was just horrible so after
that I started to try and get myself dressed and I kept getting progressively
more and more dizzy I was just standing in the middle of my room and I felt like
my body was just kind of on a boat swaying back and forth and the entire
room started to spin. Nick came back upstairs to check on me because I
haven’t been downstairs yet and I was struggling to get myself dressed because
I was so dizzy I felt like I couldn’t see my clothes. I know that sounds
extremely dramatic but I was holding a sports bra and I couldn’t even figure
out how to put it on because I was so extremely dizzy so Nick helped me put on
my sports bra and I put on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt this is where
things started go downhill pretty quickly. I started to get so dizzy that
my vision started to go into itself and get black around the edges and I’ve
never experienced anything like that before.
I’ve passed out before but I’ve never had it to where my vision slowly faded
away from the edges and got really black. It was it was honestly terrifying. I’m
not gonna sugarcoat it was probably the scariest thing to ever happen to me. I called out to my husband I asked, I told him I said “Babe, I think I’m gonna
pass out..” and as soon as those words came out of my mouth. It went completely black and thank the Lord my husband was there and
standing right next to me because he was able to catch me and lay me down on the
ground and put a pillow under my head and
for me on my side and that’s when I began to have my first seizure which
later I find out were called eclamptic seizures because I had eclampsia,
unknowingly had eclampsia I should say. So,
after my first seizure was finished Nick quickly ran downstairs grabs… sorry
about that my camera died I decided to go grab a new battery
but after Nick laid me down and made sure that I was finished with my seizure
so he could leave me alone he was able to run grab his phone call 911 and
then paramedics arrived to our house I have no memory of this whatsoever I
learned that after seizures you most of the time lose your memory and you don’t
remember anything because of the trauma that your brain goes through you kind of
go through like a fog I guess I could say like your brain just gets foggy so
you don’t remember anything. It’s been almost two weeks since this has happened
and I still don’t remember anything so everything I’m about to tell you is
basically verbatim what happened on what my husband has told me. Paramedics came
they checked me out checking the vials all that good stuff and then they loaded
me up in the ambulance I live about 25 minutes away from the hospital so Nick
followed them in the car with our son and in the ambulance
enroute to the hospital I had my second seizure and then they got to the
hospital and Nick said that they were flying to the hospital so he felt like
something was wrong and I mean at this time he didn’t know that I have had
another seizure they unloaded me got me into the emergency room and I begun to have
seizure number 3. Nick said it was absolutely chaotic there’s about 15
people in the room hooking me up to IVs trying to get the seizures
to stop and they successfully got the seizures stop they got me on a
magnesium drip which my seizures were due to eclampsia and my blood pressure
was absolutely through the roof which was causing the seizures and I also had
protein in urine. So I never got diagnosed with preeclampsia so the
reason I was having these migraines and seizures and all of that was from the
eclampsia so basically it’s a medical condition you get when you’re pregnant
and most of the time they catch it in time to get you started on medications
and things like that but unfortunately in my case they did not catch the
preeclampsia, they did not catch the protein in my urine, they didn’t catch
my high blood pressure anything until it was too late. But by the grace of God I’m
okay so after they got my seizures under control they rushed me up to CT to check
on my brain because after so many seizures in a short amount of time back
to back and I believe Nick said the duration of the seizures were quite long
they were over a minute long but he said to him it felt like five minutes because
he was so worried and stressed out watching me have these seizures but they
were probably more around a minute to two minutes long so they checked on my
brain to make sure that I did not have a stroke which thankfully I didn’t my
brain is okay the only side effects that I had from the seizures are memory loss
as well as I had an extremely badly bitten tongue procedure that I had
during the seizure I would accidentally bite my tongue all the way around so
when I woke up my mouth was filled with my time my tongue was extremely swollen
it was purple it was cut all the way around
so the I had the sweetest nurses and for the hospital and they just gave me cups
Cup after cup of ice to try and help my tongue de-swell so I could speak. My
first memory I don’t remember like I said the ambulance I don’t remember the
emergency room I don’t remember CT I don’t remember getting wheeled into
labor and delivery. I don’t remember them checking the baby on the ultrasound
so my first memory was my husband telling me that our son had passed away
that he was no longer alive and they couldn’t locate a heartbeat and then a
doctor came in the room and it was this big tall man older man
I’d never seen him before like I mentioned before we just moved to Hawaii
so I’ve only had two doctor appointments here and I haven’t even been seeing an
OBGYN. I was seeing a nurse practitioner so this man that I was seeing which I later
found out he’s a high-risk OBGYN that was called
and to be on my case him asking me if I would like to have a c-section or if I
would like to give birth to my son vaginally and be induced. The only cure
for what I was going through the eclampsia was to give birth so I chose
to be induced and give birth to my son vaginally that’s always been my birth
plan I mean I never expected it to be like this but I still wanted to have the
experience and give birth to him the way that I wanted to so this was the morning
of Thanksgiving November 28th and I labored all day horrible contractions
that day was very fuzzy because of the IV medication that they had me on to
make sure that my seizures didn’t start back after pushing for I don’t remember
how long I want to say it wasn’t very long at all
I feel like I did like ten or so pushes he was born at 6:25 p.m. he was a
perfect one pound one ounce ten and a half inches long little boy. My husband
and I named him Jensen Stephen. Jensen is a name that
we love and Stephen being his (my husbands) father’s name we then got to spend many hours
cuddling him and kissing on him and loving him. We were very grateful that
the nonprofit organization now I lay me down to sleep was a part of the hospital
that he was born at and a wonderful lady that I wish I could remember her name
she was so sweet she took time out of her Thanksgiving dinner to come and take
pictures of Nick, Jensen, and I. And absolutely the sweetest lady she made us
feel so at peace during a horrible day watch him get his little feet prints
taken and his little hand prints taken got measured they dressed him up in the
cutest little outfit a little bow tie and swaddled him up for us and then we
took photos and then my recovery began after he was taken out of the room I
then stayed in the hospital an additional five days so like I mentioned
before the only cure for eclampsia is to give birth but my body wasn’t reacting
right it wasn’t reacting as if I gave birth and Oh everything’s fine my blood
pressure’s regulated everything’s back to normal like it should be my blood
pressure continue to skyrocket to numbers like
180 over 110 165 over 109 and very high blood
pressures up in the ranges of the blood pressures I was having when I was having
the seizures so I had to stay on the magnesium that kept my blood pressure
low every time they would try and take me off the medication my blood pressure
would just skyrocket right back up to dangerous levels after they finally got
my blood pressure in like the moderate range they took me off the IV medication
they then switched me over to a tablet blood pressure medication called adalat
which I’m still taking a couple weeks later every time they’ve tried to take
me off of the blood pressure medication skyrockets to the 160s over 100 for the
diastolic number it’s very scary they’re hoping that in hopefully a week or two
they’ll be able to start weaning me off the medication because I’m on the lowest
possible dose and the side-effects of this medication or absolute crap I feel
like an old lady having to take medication to keep myself out of the
hospital I mean that’s what I’m doing but this medication gives me constant
headaches have one right now and it has my heart rate constantly feeling like
I’m working out so like when I’m walking my heart rate is like in the 140s and
when I’m sitting down resting and sleeping it’s around like 95 to 105
which I only know that because of my watch that tells me and my heart rate
and it’s oh it’s like hey are you working out right now like nope I’m
brushing my teeth medication and my recovery so far as well as you know just
your average after birth recovery and lots of cramping want some bleeding
things like that my milk came in that was a very sad reminder
the day that that came in a couple days after the birth I was in the shower and
obviously the hot water can make your milk production come in and it was
really sad so there for a very long time and cried in the hospital shower because
it really upset me that I had the milk but I had I didn’t
have my child to give it to. I am home now on Wednesday and today is Monday I
have to go to the funeral home to set up arrangements to get my son cremated my
husband and I decided that cremation would be the best option for us we are
military we do move around we know we’re not going to stay in this state forever
so we want to make sure that he can go wherever we go we don’t want to leave
him behind. that is all I have to talk about today like I said I don’t even
know if this videos going to hit YouTube if you’re watching it obviously it did
but I’m honestly using this as a way to talk about it from start to finish and
get some closure on what happened because it’s all very fresh it was only
a couple of weeks ago but I feel like I need to talk about it so that I can
begin to heal and to be able to look at my son’s things without breaking down
into a puddle and crying constantly every time I think about him maybe in
another video I’ll go through what the hospital gave us for memories sake with
him they gave us a whole box of things to take home to remember him by I know
all hospitals are different but I know most
don’t have the same type of programs that our Hospital did so if you’re
interested in that kind of video let me know I might do that if you’re going
through something similar I really just want to let you know that you’re not
alone the videos i’ve watched on YouTube about stillbirth stories and neonatal
death and things like that have honestly helped me and that’s one of the reasons
that I’m making this video right now because of the impact that those other
videos of those moms have shared about their story and it made me feel so much
better to know that I’m not the only one struggling to start my family and I’m
young and I have lots of time and I know that whenever God is ready to bless our
little family that we will be blessed with one and everything will go okay
because we have God and we also have doctors now that know that I am prone to
preeclampsia so I will have a high-risk OBGYN I’ll have more appointments so we
will have more monitoring of me and baby and everything will go okay. Use the comments
as a safe place to talk amongst yourselves and I’ll also be down there
reading comments as well I love you guys so much thank you for stopping by my
channel and I look forward to making more videos hopefully they won’t be as
sad and depressing as this one when my husband and I are able to start trying
again when we’re emotionally and I physically ready to start trying for a
third pregnancy then I plan to make videos on that not a hundred percent
sure yet if you’re interested in TTC videos or pregnancy in the future
whether that be six months, a year, two years from now. Please leave that down in
the comments below and I will know if you’d be interested in seeing something
like that well I love you guys so much thank you for watching I appreciate all
of the support I’ve gotten from friends and family who are watching and anybody
who might be kind in the comments below I’ll see you in my next video. bye. (piano music)

22 Comments

  • Celinaaa

    This is such a vulnerable video & it can truly help so many other mommies. I remember very consistently learning about this condition in nursing school because it truly is prevalent & some mommies just go straight to eelampsia (probably doesn't make you feel any better but it is true!). I will be praying for you & your family girl. You & your family are sooooo strong & you guys are truly people to look up to in so many ways. Let J and I know if there is anything you guys need! xoxo from TN

  • Angela Newbrough

    So sorry to hear this 😥 Thank you for sharing because so many women go through this and feel alone. All in my prayers ❤️

  • bo87rezz

    Oh my I’m so sorry for your loss. Just sending love and good vibes. I hope one day you can find peace in heart and the strength to move forward from this rough time. You are brave to share your story.

  • Marisa Pennell

    You're SOOO strong. This broke my heart into a million pieces. Y'all are in my prayers ❤️Thank you for sharing your story for other moms out there who are also struggling.

  • Paul Bush

    Baby girl I’m so so proud of you !! I know what a hard time you are going through and the long road if ahead. Jensen is a beautiful little boy and my angel grandson. Miss you Nick and M and I’m always here for you! You’re such a very strong person. ❤️❤️🤟🏻

  • Sara Drummond

    Thank you for sharing your story sweet friend. I know that your story will help so many people. You are such a strong woman and Jensen is loved and cherished by so many. God will use this experience to shape your life in ways we can't even imagine. Sending my love and prayers for you, Nick, and M <3

  • Sally Anderson

    I am so sorry about your loss and the terrible trauma you’ve endured. You are very strong and this brave video will be helpful to many. Please take good care of you during this difficult time. Don’t rush yourself. Hugs to you and your family.💜

  • P Star

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Praying for comfort for you during this time. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. ❤️

  • Vicki Ward

    I am just now seeing this video. It was completely beautiful, brave, and transparent. You are the most courageous young woman I know. You give me so much strength. I am so immensely proud that God chose you to be my baby boy’s wife and that you are raising Malakai with him! I cannot tell you how much I love you! There are no words. I love you! You are constantly in my prayers and my heart! I love you all so much.

  • Amuda Joshi

    So sorry for your loss.i also had a stillborn baby. Her name is joon i gave birth to her on 38 weeks by c section on 25th october 2019. I got to know that it was becoz of late gestation diabetes. I was ok when i had last sugar level test on my 7th month test after that i didnt have any test related to diabetes. So i want all to be alert abt the diabetes it took away my little angel.

  • Juhi S

    Wow you are so strong! I had a similar experience on Nov 29 2018. it took almost 8months for me to actualy start talking about it. i had pre eclampsia at 27 weeks Preterm csection. My son could survive only for 15 days. My bp started at 20 weeks and was under medication and frequent prenatal check ups. And still i lost my baby. But yes i must say you are lucky that u r alive. U experienced even more risky condition. After delivery i took adalat for another 3months and my bp was fine. But then my doc asked to monitor every month. Since its been a year now i consulted a gynec to enquire about my next preg but she asked me to waite for another 2years as its gonna be high risk pregnancy.

  • Sirlina Sirlina

    I just had my stillborn baby at 24 weeks this weekend. After 4 healthy pregnancies my 5th little angel was a stillborn. I have no answers as to why but i share your pain. God has a purpose for everything. May i ask how do you know when you are ready to conceive again? Are there people that just tell you to nor try again?

  • Rachel Shelby

    I am so sorry for your loss, Taylor. I have so much respect for you for sharing your story and helping other moms out there who have experienced this. You're so strong. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. Also, I would love to follow pregnancy type videos in the future! Keep your head up sweet girl❤️

  • Susan Knight

    Such a brave account of the trauma you have been through, you will need sensitive counselling after this, and good consultant advice about any future pregnancy. My heart goes out to you and your husband, heal yourself now and grieve for your beautiful son.

  • MissTaylorxo

    Hi guys – just wanted to update you and let you know I sat down and transcribed the entire video with closed captioning so it can be more accessible. If there are any mistakes to the CC please let me know and I would be more than happy to correct them. Thank you for all the support. xo's- Taylor

  • Sierra Pinkerton Living Testimony

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cant even begin to imagine what you are feeling. I'm praying for you and your family.

  • IvyroseGullwhacker

    I just found this video so sorry for the late comment. You are so strong and I legit cannot believe we are the same age bc you have strength and wisdom beyond your years. Sending so much love.

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