Ned’s Life Before Kids Vs. After Kids
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Ned’s Life Before Kids Vs. After Kids

(playful reedy music) – Ooh.
(baby giggles) Yeah. Here, let me, yummy, here you go, okay. Very nice. – [Left] Your candy has been crushed sir. – [Right] But luckily he kept his wits, and his purple crayon. Ooh damn, dang, dang? Dang, oh dang. Here we go, Okay, okay, we got
my bag, baby bag, baby seat, – [On The Left] Bye Hun.
– wait, keys, wait, baby! Okay, can’t forget the baby. Hello, (playful kisses)
– Hey! – [Left] How was your day? (glasses clinking)
Cheers. – Cheers!
– Midnight. – Daylight.
(snoring on the right) – Oh.
– Ooh. (snoring) – Do you guys like pit bulls? We’re all gonna be young forever, woo! (dramatic music) (thuds) (mumbling)
Good morning, oh. (groaning) – Hey! – Hey, sorry, I just put the baby down. Oh, thanks for the beer. – Ah, I can’t wait to have kids! – Mm, trust me, you can wait. – It all seems so magical, you know, when you see your baby smile
for the first time, or walk. – Yeah, or clean up a
stage five poop blow out, that gets all over the
changing table, which the dog then eats for some reason,
because he likes eating poop. – It’s not that kinda dog. – And then he vomits that
poop all over the couch, which you just cleaned baby vomit off of, and as much as you try and clean it, that couch will forever be known as the (bleep) vomit couch.
(chuckles) (laughing)
– Yeah, that sounds bad. – Yeah. – I don’t know, I mean I wonder, when am I gonna be ready to have kids? – You’re never ready, that’s the thing. – Really, not even like, at age 30? – Yeah. – Huh. Are you guys sleeping much? – Turns out the human body
is incredibly resilient, I don’t even need much more
then four hours of sleep. – You look exhausted. – I know, I’m in denial. – Look, I get it, I mean I
been waking uo early too. I been doing this 7AM work out class. – Oh, 7AM, wow. You’re such a martyr, oh my
God, your life sounds so hard. – I mean, sometimes when
I got out, I sleep in, but I find I can’t sleep much past 10AM. – I would literally
only eat pineapple-pizza for the rest of my life if it
meant I could sleep ’til 10AM. – Oh god. – Yeah. – [Both] I hate pineapple-pizza. And I love pizza. – You get me. – It’s tough, but it’s worth it. – Sounds like having a really cute puppy. – (scoffs) Cute doesn’t
even begin to describe it. Cutes like something you
see in a photo, you know, plush toys, those are cute. Having a baby, it’s, it’s, sublime. When I hold him, or rock
him, or play with him, I’m filled with this impossibly vast love. I dunno it’s like, you see
the baby and for a moment you get a glimpse of the mystery of life. Whenever I see him crawling
around, or exploring things, I can tell he’s just disovering the world and seeing 1,000 things every second. It’s awesome. – Wow. – Yeah.
(chuckles) – Well, next rounds on me. More drinks? – Yes, let’s get another drink,
let’s stay out all night, let’s, I’m kidding, I’m
kidding, I should go. (laughing) I got you.
(babbles) (heartfelt dreamy music) (upbeat dance music) We’ve got squad crew-necks,
we’ve got a baby onesie, we got a baby that’s trying to escape. – His hat! (giggles)
– oh no! – His hat, hats off to that! You can get it at (heavy electric music) (grunting)
Yes! (groaning)
Get my bicep curls! You know, as you grow older, Daddy’s gonna have to just get stronger, there’s no way to, yeah.


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