The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel
Articles,  Blog

The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel


Translator: Joseph Geni
Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz We’re going to share
a lot of secrets today, you and I, and in doing so, I hope that we can lift some of the shame
many of us feel about sex. How many here have ever been
catcalled by a stranger? Lots of women. For me, the time I remember best is when that stranger
was a student of mine. He came up to me after class that night and his words confirmed
what I already knew: “I am so sorry, professor. If I had known it was you,
I would never have said those things.” (Laughter) I wasn’t a person to him
until I was his professor. This concept, called objectification, is the foundation of sexism, and we see it reinforced
through every aspect of our lives. We see it in the government that refuses to punish men for raping women. We see it in advertisements. How many of you have seen an advertisement that uses a woman’s breast
to sell an entirely unrelated product? Or movie after movie after movie that portrays women
as only love interests? These examples might seem
inconsequential and harmless, but they’re insidious, slowly building into a culture
that refuses to see women as people. We see this in the school
that sends home a 10-year-old girl because her clothes were
a distraction to boys trying to learn, or the government that refuses
to punish men for raping women over and over, or the woman who is killed because she asked a man to stop
grinding on her on the dance floor. Media plays a large role in perpetuating
the objectification of women. Let’s consider
the classic romantic comedy. We’re typically introduced
to two kinds of women in these movies, two kinds of desirable women, anyway. The first is the sexy bombshell. This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman
with the perfect body. Our leading man
has no trouble identifying her and even less trouble having sex with her. The second is our leading lady, the beautiful but demure woman
our leading man falls in love with despite not noticing her at first or not liking her if he did. The first is the slut. She is to be consumed and forgotten. She is much too available. The second is desirable but modest, and therefore worthy
of our leading man’s future babies. Marriage material. We’re actually told
that women have two roles, but these two roles have a difficult time
existing within the same woman. On the rare occasion
that I share with a new acquaintance that I study sex, if they don’t end
the conversation right then, they’re usually pretty intrigued. “Oh. Tell me more.” So I do. “I’m really interested
in studying the sexual behaviors of pregnant and postpartum couples.” At this point I get
a different kind of response. (Laughter) “Oh. Huh. Do pregnant people even have sex? Have you thought
about studying sexual desire or orgasms? That would be interesting, and sexy.” Tell me. What are the first words
that come to mind when you picture a pregnant woman? I asked this question
in a survey of over 500 adults, and most responded with “belly” or “round” and “cute.” This didn’t surprise me too much. What else do we label as cute? Babies. Puppies. Kittens. The elderly. Right? (Laughter) When we label an adult as cute, though, we take away a lot of their intelligence, their complexity. We reduce them to childlike qualities. I also asked heterosexual men to imagine a woman that they’re
partnered with is pregnant, and then asked women
to imagine that they are pregnant, and then tell me
the first words that come to mind when they imagine having sex. Most of the responses were negative. “Gross.” “Awkward.” “Not sexy.” “Odd.” “Uncomfortable.” “How?” (Laughter) “Not worth the trouble.”
“Not worth the risk.” That last one really stuck with me. We might think that because we divorce
pregnant women and moms from sexuality, we are removing the constraints
of sexual objectification. They experience less sexism. Right? Not exactly. What happens instead
is a different kind of objectification. In my efforts to explain this to others, one conversation
led to the Venus of Willendorf, a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed
was a goddess of love and beauty, hence the name Venus. This theory was later revised, though, when scholars noted
the sculptor’s obvious focus on the figurine’s reproductive features: large breasts,
considered ideal for nursing; a round, possibly pregnant belly; the remnants of red dye,
alluding to menstruation or birth. They also assumed that she was
meant to be held or placed lying down because her tiny feet
don’t allow her to be freestanding. She also had no face. For this reason, it was assumed
that she was a representation of fertility and not a portrait of a person. She was an object. In the history of her interpretation, she went from object
of ideal beauty and love to object of reproduction. I think this transition speaks more about the scholars
who have interpreted her purpose than the actual purpose
of the figurine herself. When a woman becomes pregnant, she leaves the realm
of men’s sexual desire and slides into her reproductive
and child-rearing role. In doing so, she also becomes the property of the community, considered very important
but only because she’s pregnant. Right? I’ve taken to calling this
the Willendorf effect, and once again we see it reinforced
in many aspects of her life. Has anyone here
ever been visibly pregnant? (Laughter) Yeah. Lots of you, right? So how many of you ever had a stranger
touch your belly during pregnancy, maybe without even asking
your permission first? Or told what you can and cannot eat by somebody who is not your doctor,
your medical care provider? Or asked private questions
about your birth plan? And then told why
those choices are all wrong? Yeah, me too. Or had a server refuse
to bring you a glass of wine? This one might give you pause,
I know, but stay with me. This is a huge secret. It is actually safe to drink
in moderation during pregnancy. Many of us don’t know this because doctors don’t trust
pregnant women with this secret — (Laughter) especially if she’s less educated
or a woman of color. What this tells us is, this Willendorf effect,
it’s also classist and racist. It’s present when
the government reminds women with every new anti-choice bill that the contents of her uterus
are not her own, or when an ob-gyn says, “While it’s safe
to have sex during pregnancy, sometimes you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?” She’s denied basic privacy
and bodily autonomy under the guise of “be a good mother.” We don’t trust her
to make her own decisions. She’s cute, remember? When we tell women that sexual pleasure — excuse me. When we tell women that sex
isn’t worth the risk during pregnancy, what we’re telling her is that
her sexual pleasure doesn’t matter. So what we are telling her
is that she in fact doesn’t matter, even though the needs of her fetus
are not at odds with her own needs. So medical providers, such as the American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have the opportunity to educate
about the safety of sex during pregnancy. So what do the experts say? ACOG actually has
no public official statement about the safety of sex during pregnancy. Guidance from the Mayo Clinic
is generally positive but presented with a caveat: “Although most women can safely
have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it’s best to be cautious.” Some women don’t want
to have sex during pregnancy, and that’s OK. Some women do want
to have sex during pregnancy, and that’s OK, too. What needs to stop
is society telling women what they can and cannot do
with their bodies. (Applause) Pregnant women are not faceless,
identity-less vessels of reproduction who can’t stand on their own two feet. But the truth is, the real secret is, we tell all women that
their sexual pleasure doesn’t matter. We refuse to even acknowledge
that women who have sex with women or women who don’t
want children even exist. “Oh, it’s just a phase … she just needs the right man
to come along.” Every time a woman has sex simply because it feels good, it is revolutionary. She is revolutionary. She is pushing back
against society’s insistence that she exist simply for men’s pleasure or for reproduction. A woman who prioritizes
her sexual needs is scary, because a woman who prioritizes
her sexual needs prioritizes herself. (Applause) That is a woman demanding
that she be treated as an equal. That is a woman who insists that you make room for her
at the table of power, and that is the most terrifying of all because we can’t make room for her without some of us giving up
the extra space we hold. (Applause) I have one last secret for you. I am the mother of two boys and we could use your help. Even though my boys hear me say regularly that it’s important for men
to recognize women as equals and they see their father modeling this, we need what happens in the world
to reinforce what happens in our home. This is not a men’s problem
or a women’s problem. This is everyone’s problem, and we all play a role
in dismantling systems of inequality. For starters, we have got
to stop telling women what they can and cannot do
with their bodies. (Applause) This includes not treating pregnant women
like community property. If you don’t know her,
don’t even ask to touch her belly. You wouldn’t anybody else. Don’t tell her
what she can and cannot eat. Don’t ask her private details
about her medical decisions. This also includes understanding that even if you are
personally against abortion, you can still fight
for a woman’s right to choose. When it comes to women’s equality,
the two need not oppose one another. If you’re somebody who has sex with women, prioritize her pleasure. If you don’t know how, ask. If you have children — (Laughter) have conversations about sex
as early as possible, because kids don’t look up s-e-x
in the dictionary anymore. They look it up on the internet. And when you’re having
those conversations about sex, don’t center them on reproduction only. People have sex for many reasons, some because they want a baby, but most of us have sex
because it feels good. Admit it. And regardless of whether
you have children or not, support comprehensive sex education
that doesn’t shame our teenagers. (Applause) Nothing positive comes from shaming teens for their sexual desires, behaviors, other than positive STD
and pregnancy tests. Every single day,
we are all given the opportunity to disrupt patterns of inequality. I think we can all agree
that it’s worth the trouble to do so. Thank you. (Applause)

100 Comments

  • Çağrı Altaş

    Fetal Alcohol Syndrom and many other health problems. Of course we can't try different amounts of alcohol on pregnant people. ('Yes, this amount of alcohol caused your child a lot of health problmes, thank you for your contribution.' We can't risk any child just to see how much alcohol you can drink during your pregnancy. No ones pleasure is important enough to risk a child's health.) So no one is sure about how much alcohol is safe during the pregnancy. If you are willing to risk your own baby's health just for a glass of wine… You don't have to be (biological and/or any other kind of) parent to be important or something like that. If you choose to make a human being it is your responsibility to do your best for that human being. There is not much of a difference between shooting someone and playing Russian roulette with their body and your finger on the trigger. It's not about gender to me, I would've said the same things if men were getting pregnant.

  • Emmaley Lamb

    I'm currently pregnant. I put my child's safety before my desires. My husband loves on me just as he did before. I do not feel objectified. Nor do i feel I'm being told what I can and can't do with my body. I feel just as equal in power as my husband is. I think more solid and UPDATED RESEARCH needs to be done about pregnancy and fetus safety.

  • Mini Singh

    So true about shaming teens…
    I was watching a life skills video (session conducted at a school by a teacher) where the teacher spent a major chunk of the session shaming the kids about sexuality.

  • Erin Farnes

    If you are concerned about a pregnant woman's fetus you can increase taxes and give fair maternity care… Just sayin'

  • Shannon Leifer

    I feel like if I were pregnant and stopped strangers from asking personal questions, it would come off as bitchy.

  • Lisa B

    Regarding all people getting fired up about FAS: There's been done a research in the Netherlands regarding FAS; after 2 to 6 glasses of wine a day the chance of having a child with FAS grew to 2%, when the mother is genetically also very sensitive towards alcohol. That is A LOT of alcohol (more than two bottles of wine a week) you have to consume. Moderation means first and foremost: don't binge that booze. Millions of women are able to drink a glass of wine every now and then and have millions of equally healthy children.

    I'm actually more worried about the growing number of depressed pregnant women. There are found several causes for this; hormonal instability, societal pressure (dictating pregnant women how to live and breath) and lack of love and support from partner and loved ones (physically and mentally). Which in turn can lead to overeating, smoking and overconsumption of alcohol…which leads to a very large risk of the woman birthing a child with FAS or other defects. Women are not just vessels, they are thinking, feeling beings that especially during pregnancy need you to understand they want you to treat them as the grown humans they are. I think Sofia has a perfectly good point.

  • isabelablackdancer

    “A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is a woman who prioritizes herself.” This is true even if your sexual need is to wait. Give power to all women.

  • Rohn Daughtry

    thought it was strange that she said something to effect of 'a culture that allows men to rape women'  and said this at least 3 times in the first few moments of her talk.   I am a father of 3 children and my wife never looked better than when she was pregnant.

  • Audrey Confer

    While I believe in a lot of what you are saying, abortion is pure murder in my eyes. If you do not want to be a mother, please put the child up for adoption. There are plenty of couples in the world that would love to adopt that child. The argument is "it's my body, I can do what I want". The truth is that it's not just your body, you share that body with a child, a living, breathing human. It has a heartbeat, a brain, and to not even give that child, who could be loved in this world, a chance at life, to me, is robbery at its finest. Children are a gift and even if it doesn't benefit you, it's there for a reason. Now I can see the medical reasons for abortion: if the pregnancy harms the mother, absolutely, abort the pregnancy. But killing your child just because you don't want to be a mother? There are other options than murder. I'm not say this to be disrespectful to anyone who has different opinions than me, I just know that some people are unaware of the other arguments. Please, consider my opinions as just that: opinions and not fact.

  • samiam2088

    The entire notion of sexuality being divorced from motherhood is so ridiculous on its face: WHERE DO THESE BABIES COME FROM??

  • samiam2088

    I think we need to remember that plenty of women drink in the early stages of pregnancy BEFORE THEY KNOW THEY ARE PREGNANT and yet FAS is not seen at sky-high rates. FAS is associated with binge drinking.

  • Brien boi

    Value wouldn't SUDDENLY be added to my partner… she was always valuable, to me at least, she would just be (her normal value=X )(baby value=Y) X+Y=Z until some memories are made with the child, X is definitly a higher value.

    Also: there are 4 sides to a table, even one of power. You can both sit there without making room for one another. Either that or you've BEEN cuddling in the booth seat XD… imagine a table only 1 person could comphortably sit at… that would be the worst table of all time.

  • Rene Usenik

    Omg! Seriously? People still think it's safe to drink during pregnancy in 2018? We still don't know a safe amount while pregnant so baby doesn't have FASD. 😣

  • Cari Clark

    "A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary…because she prioritizes herself." Yeah, like Monica Lewinsky did?

  • Scottthespy

    Right at the beginning, there's an assumption about the student's reasoning. She says 'he didn't see me as a person until I was his teacher'. But that's not the only, or as I see it, the most likely situation. Probably he was thinking 'I didn't expect to ever have to FACE this person, it would be a moment's action and then neither of us would ever have to see each other again'. Could have been 'oh no I hit on a teacher, that's against the rules'. It could even have been 'aw damn, I hit on some one OLDER than me!!'. Now, all of those do denote a certain lack of respect for the 'faceless random' that the student thought you were when he wolf whistled, but reality is not black and white, there are options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'dehumanizing sexist'. It was probably somewhere in the middle, with that lack of consideration given to 'the crowd' that most people experience mixed in with a dash of 'anonymous bravado' and youthful stupidity. It likely was not a deliberate dehumanizing, but instead a lack of consideration, on a similar level to shoving past some one on the way into a building and not saying 'sorry', or yelling at the minimum wage employee for something they have no control over. MOST people, not all, but most, KNOW that these human beings are people, they just don't actively consider that fact during a moment's lapse in judgment.

  • I. Brennan

    “SHES DUMB AND DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHES TALKING ABOUT”

    Honey. She had a TED talk. She is a professor. She fucking knows what she’s talking about. WAY more than you do. When you have gone through years of study and we’re invited to speak on it as an expert on the topic in front of a crowd then let’s fucking talk. K?

  • Creative Writer

    Make risks clear;
    make suggestions;
    DON'T force a decision upon them again and again.
    It is alright to make risks clear when it comes to things as well as to make suggestions about what to do and offering resources. However, the decision is ultimately theirs. Don't constantly press your suggestions on them, because at that point you are trying to force a decision upon them. If someone tells you they do not want any more suggestions, then stop. If they decide they do not want to follow your suggestions, then stop.
    If you are a doctor, give out your suggestions peacefully and not forcefully; respect the person you are talking to. Inform them, offer resources, etc. Don't forcefully give them the same suggestion over and over again though, as then you are forcing a decision upon them they do not want to make.
    If you are a friend or just someone who wishes to give advice; it's alright to give advice/suggestions, but perhaps ask if they'd like it first? If someone does not want advice or suggestions, then it becomes annoying, rude, and disrespectful. Also, don't try to force them to take your advice or suggestions, and don't repeat the same stuff over and over because they aren't taking it.
    Respect other people and their choices.

  • Jacob Schweiger

    Ya ignore docters there all just sexist pigs! If your pregnant it’s totally ok to smoke weed and drink wine every day and if anyone tells you otherwise there just a sexist racist classist bigot!

  • Tokimeka Temorinki

    Let me guess, this takes place in the USA. You know, cat-calling and touching strangers are quite rare aspects of people from European countries. It's just different mentality of people and culture.

  • Damian TheWayne

    1:12 I’m sorry but when exactly did the government refuse to punish rapists for raping? Pretty bold claim there…
    Edit:
    1:53 AGAIN? Without an example or ANYTHING?

  • trollsneedhugs

    0:51 The student was apologetic for catcalling his professor, not because you were now "a person", but because he was worried about getting in trouble!

  • trollsneedhugs

    Look at the "sexist" comedy movies a different way: Women that feel like they won't ever be the bombshell beauty get to see the plain jane swooned and chased after by the hot desirable guy. Wow, Mr Rich Hottie wants plain jane, not the bombshell! Now these women can feel better about themselves, and have hope that "they have a chance with a rich hot guy". See, I can twist things to fit an agenda too. There is so much female empowerment in media now. Yes, there is also disgusting degradation, but that is not all there is.

  • Appleblade

    I saw the by-line and now I can't stop thinking the concept 'Soft Jawed Weasel'. !!! I sure hope someone discovers the species so I don't have a taxonomic mistake in my repertoire of biological ideas.

  • Alana Foster

    1st: the government DOES punish rapist, we live in a world that hate and look down on those monsters
    2nd: in rom coms, men are always the dumb hunk, that are only there for a love interest not the other way around
    3rd: there is nothing bad about asking questions it's better than not knowing and being ignorant
    4: don't drink when you're pregnant, trust doctors! They had at least eight years of schooling and it's illegal to keep secrets from you.
    5: women and even little girls want kids. They want babies its a natural thing.
    6: when telling a women what you should do with her body in the case of what not to eat when pregnant they are just watching out for them, cause believe it or not people care about the safety of babies!
    I know it is hard for the left to understand but we babies and being able to create a baby is a wonderful thing! Don't make it sound bad.

  • Victoria Beke

    I am glad she also includes sexism against men, because many people (feminazis) believe that males have complete power in society. There are different balances in different situations, and I’m glad she calls attention to that.

  • Walphish

    Stopped watching when abortion came into the argument, especially since her reasoning is objectifying a human baby as nothing more than “the contents of her uterus” unless/until she says so (why yes, kind of like how women are objectified unless/until men say so). Not sorry. #childabusesurvivor #narcissisticmothersurvivor

  • Olive O'Connor

    If you cant miss out a drink for a few months better drink enough to kill the cells befor they evolve to a living being as you are clearly not made to care for anyone other than yourself

  • cmdub97

    When the "contents of [my] uterus" have the potential to increase my level of love for another, I refuse to call the contents as they are not objects, but lives giving me purpose. Now, if I have a polyp or a fibrous tumor in my uterus, then I can agree those contents are under my chosing to dispose of. As I get older, based off of family history, I may need hysterectomy. The lining of my uterus has no potential to grow into a loving and cherished human, I can dispose of that as I choose. To end my child's life is unimaginable as I do not condone murder.

  • Lucie Pospichal

    I worked in a cafe where mentally disabled people were serving and preparing the orders, I was their assistant. Once a visibly pregnant woman came and asked for a coffee and our client – man in his fifties (a teenager in his mind tho :D) with autism related problems (he had troubles with social interactions among other things) asked if she wanted a coffee without caffeine (which was very thoughtful of him), she replied no and he apologised (kinda) and prepared her order.
    When an ill person with very little social abilities, who cannot take care of himself can respect a pregnant woman for her choices even though he disagrees with them, why can't everyone?

  • Fullmetal1890P

    Yes, but, why is she so pale? This lighting is terrible, she looks like she's attending her own wake. They should have planned this recording better.

  • Raminta Stankutė

    She so comfortably slips very sharp arguments which is based on nothing or objectively not possible (ex. if you preggy you belong to public, government rufuses to punish men who rape women and etc. ) and continues to slide on funny stuff. Very manipulative.

  • Sensenya Joseph

    as a feminist, this is ridiculous
    your doctor giving you his or her best medical opinion is not invalidating your needs or personhood

  • Cain

    This ted talk is very vague and all over the place.
    Being an irresponsible parent because you have a vagina is not acceptable. If that's your point entirely.

  • Rebecca Suraci

    a server not bringing a pregnant woman isn’t classist and racist. Its woops I don’t want a liability. Or maybe I will get fired. Or .. I’ve been told this is not allowed. It may not be a Law but if you didn’t know better (perhaps you’re new to serving?) would you chance it? Also why servers can cut off a perosn deamed to have had too much. If that offends you and you can’t appreciate / respect a servers hesitancy to bear any perceived repercussion for your wants you may be selfish and entitled , thinking your want of Said glass of wine trumps thst servers need of retaining their job. and maybe should consider to have that one glass in moderation at home?

  • faith weber

    lol as a woman, i can safely say if anyone else thinks these are truth- you're victimizing yourself for attention and nothing else.

  • amethyst flower

    You had me agreeing until you started advocating drinking while pregnant. The fact is there is no safe amount of alcohol to drink during pregnancy with absolute certainty it won't harm the fetus. I'm pro choice, but once you decide to bring a baby into this world you had better do so without harming that child for life. I have seen babies born with fetal alcohol syndrome and it is devastating. Is a glass of wine really that important that you would risk your baby's health? Some women want to be told be strangers if they are eating a risky food during pregnancy! They want a healthy baby! A stranger could help them out big time. Being a parent is about self sacrifice, for the good of your child. I do not fault women who don't want to have children or who take pride in being sexual beings, but I do not condone ruining a child's life by being careless.

  • Rosalie Stevenson

    Simple fact is there are things one should NOT consume or do when they are pregnant.
    Things like changing kitty litter, or consuming certain plants that could cause a miscarriage or harm the fetus. However, in the end, it is their choice and they will suffer any consequences or reap any rewards.
    However, once that baby is born there is one thing that I will stick my nose in because ANYONE'S choice ends when other people start becoming part of the equation.

    Soooo.
    Yeah feed your kid how you want,t raise them how you want, school them how you want.

    BUT VACCINATE YOUR GODAMN FUCKING KIDS FOR FUCKS SAKE. On time.
    All of them.

    Other people are counting on you to do so.

  • Junko xd Enoshima

    Doesnt this just objectifiy women in a way too? I mean she is telling everyone what the world believes and what we should do. Personally, I find most of the problems she encounters are more with concerned and carrying people. Yes I do believe that women have the right to their privacy, I also believe that the concern of others is okay. A lot of the problems could directly affect a human life and I believe that those actions should be taken with caution instead of throwing them away saying, "Youre objectifiying me." Women are more than their sexual desires and needs. Which she states a lot, but later on getting into the meat of the problem she numbs women down to the sexual desires that both genders feel. Seeing a pregnant women makes other humans feel protective too, so its natural too for there to be some different treatment. Treatment that could arguable be deserved.

  • Kate Quick

    Whoa. The CURRENT research says that no amount of alcohol is considered safe. Please do not spread this lie because the consequences can be terrible for unborn children.

  • Jillian Jacques

    She's right, though one of her suggestions may be ignorant of peoples intentions. I'd ask someone I was having a conversation with, who was also pregnant, to touch their stomach regardless of whether or not I know them. "May I feel your stomach" isn't offensive, the woman saying no and getting offended by her decision… that's a different story. If you can't handle being told no, it's probably best not to ask anyone for anything. If I asked someone to feel because I'm fascinated by the miracle happening in their stomach, it's not because I'm trying to assume ownership of or make decisions about their body. If you're truly intrigued in this way you're hyper-aware that every living breathing thing has a conscience; they're aware just like you, and in those circumstances, chances are they're not coming from a sexist or threatening place at all. I don't think that particular judgment is a fair one, at least generally speaking.

  • Victor Mandala

    8:45 “Saying that her sexual needs don’t matter… saying that she doesn’t matter.” So… a women is her sexual needs/pleasure? That sounds fallacious just saying.

  • AnimeGamer501st The Last Yeet

    Don't drink while pregnant and if you can't stop drinking then have an abortion because I'd rather you have an abortion then have to deal with another idiot just like the sjws in the comment sections ive see what drugs and alchohal does to people whose mothers drank or did drugs while they were pregnant and i never want to see that ever again so don't do anything but nuture that child in your belly do you understand your irresponsible selfish bitches because thats not just your body anymore that is now an incubator and you need to take care of it with as much caution as possible to ensure that that baby comes out fine and healthy and will be a great part of our failing society who will one day lead us to greatness and world peace and harmony but thats not gonna happen if you don't stop your damn bad habits

  • UltraBran

    "The lies we tell pregnant women" – goes on a hysterical ideological tirade about feminist tropes for 3.5 minutes. She doesn't show her data, just makes assertions… What drivel.

  • Amy P

    Never been pregnant. So I officially don't exist. Heh. BUT I'd NEVER touch a woman's belly, ever! That's so rude and disrespectful. I don't tell pregnant women what to eat or not to eat, unless she's talking about indigestion or something. In that context, I'd say, "Well, if you haven't tried such and such, I have friends who said this worked for them." And that's it. I might say, "Have you been feeling good?" if I know her well. You know, express an interest in her well being as a human. Oh — and don't comment on the "baby bump." That's rude, too. How about, "I'm glad everything is going well!" instead.

  • Ava Sedna

    When I became pregnant I was 100x sexier to my partner. probably many of those replies came from cold overly masculine american men

  • Caden Coburn

    A government that refuses to punish men for rape. Where did she find this fact it is so unreal. The reason some rapist aren't found guilty is because woman fail to come forward. Also R.Kelly and Bill Cosby are in jail and haven't even admitted to their crimes. Whereas Cardi B does the same things with stealing money and admits it and she is not I'm jail. Also this lady is ugly.

  • Martin Schmid

    1:51 the government doesn't refuse punishing rapist, I'm pretty sure. First, it's the judicature who punishes criminals, and secondly, crimes that are proven and backed up by evidence are definitely punished. However, you cannot convict sb on the basis of accusations.

    About the "cute" women, why should a society regard a woman who's already pregnant as sexually attractive? They are seen as cute because people have an instinct to protect pregnant women, not because they're sexist.

    About the alcohol: It makes much more sense to be safe and promote abstinence to save the babies of those who are not soo disciplined to stick to just one glass. We do the same thing with other things too, like hard drugs. You could technically try heroine a few times and stop, but we still don't tell kids they can try it because we know once you got a foot in the door, those who are susceptible will give in and get addicted, just like those future mothers who are susceptible might give in and drink more than a sip, causing irreversible brain damage to their baby.

    Sure women should decide what to do with their bodies and people on the streets shouldn't touch them and give unsolicited advice, but it's still a huge responsibility to bear a baby and the baby deserves at least the effort from the mother to abstain from toxic substances like alcohol.

  • Dissonantia Cognitiva

    More feminist claptrap hogwash, rapists go to jail, nobody likes rapists, much less normal men, to to use the lowest of criminals to represent the half of the population is quite dishonest
    Regarding ads, simple, why are men's with abs used to sell underwear? The old spice commercial that had women drooling, etc etc etc

  • Mozzarella Ice Cream

    I feel this talk was extremely one-sided and sexist towards men. If you want to debunk hurtful, outdated stereotypes for one side, I'd say it's best to not put down the other with the same thing. The "empowerment" I saw trying to come across, from my own experience with abuse, is dangerous without talking about compassion.

    Women are not "stronger" for putting themselves first, and neither are men, but no one encourages men to be more selfish. Saying this stuff furthers the social stigma of male victims of domestic violence, and male emotionalism in general. I know there are others that will disagree, but to me, this is not what feminism is supposed to be about.

    All that said, I did agree with some things the speaker brought up. But overall I had a very negative reaction watching this talk.

  • Sarah Smiles

    Well I’m sure if the girl were wearing your little house on the prairie dress she wouldn’t-have been sent home. Let’s not be foolish and deny what we know about the male brain and what provocative clothing does. I do agree that a lot of inappropriate sexual stuff surrounding women.

  • Flint Westwood

    Objectification is the foundation of male and female attraction. Find a better way to fit that into your world view, and maybe I'll listen to what you have to say next. I'm moving on now. Bye.

  • zzevonplant

    ….Since when does the government refuse to prosecute rapists when there is sufficient evidence for a jury to convict? I've been raped five times and gotten justice exactly NONE of those times, but I still don't believe that the government/society in America condones rape in any way. I'm sure there are messed up individuals that excuse rape in plenty of cases, or don't care about it happening to certain types of people and whatnot. But I don't in ANY way believe that that's the way our society as a whole views rape. Americans view rape as one of the most egregious crimes one can commit upon another and the VAST majority of people in this country feel very strongly about it. So I really don't get where people come up with this idea that rape is somehow condoned or viewed as acceptable in the United States.

  • Stephanie

    A woman who broke her leg walks into doctor’s office.
    Doctor: You need to rest your leg and let it recover.
    Woman: NO! you don’t tell me what to do with my body.

  • Marianna Anastasopoulou

    May I ask if it feels generally awkward someone to touch you or only when you are pregnant. I never be pregnant but i wonder because I love a friendly touch and a pregnant belly is as beautiful as a miracle.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *