(Phone Ringing) Why doesn’t she talk to me anymore? i don’t know… I want to meet her but she can’t meet… why? she’s going where? somewhere very far… why? She doesn’t feel like living here anymore… she’s afraid… afraid… of what? i am here for her… she’s afraid of the same thing… that, what if someone gets to know about you two…? Can you try to convince her once more? what’s left to convince? still…? i’ll try… Yes! Dinner’s ready! I am not hungry… i ate something outside… Can this whole world be wrong? My true self, my existence… my likes, dislikes, my desires… my faith- my everything is wrong… But i think to myself, can everyone in this world be wrong at the same time? Or maybe I am wrong. Where could have I gone wrong?… I asked myself many times everyday… and the answer I got was- that one could only be wrong at doing something one has control over, right? But none of this was in my control… We are taught to walk, We are taught to walk, to speak, to wear, to buy… All of this is fed to us all. But are we ever taught what to like and what not to? When we are born, there is no sign on our hands that tells us which hand will we used to write with… it just comes naturally… because we can feel it… that this is correct We can’t learn to write with our left hand by merely holding the pencil in that hand… That said, the story of my life is no different than a pencil held in the wrong hand… Every morning I tried hard to convince myself to live the day as a man, but eventually that courage had to break.. as i dreamt like a girl while sleeping… Everyday it’s only getting tougher, my dreams are taking over the manipulative me. All of us remember something from our childhood. Some we hold dear to our hearts… even i remember a few instances Mom… do you remember? as a kid you would dress me up in sister’s
old clothes… that’s one of my favorite memories i remember that till date… Mom, Dad… you’ve asked me at times if there was anything I wanted to tell you… But why did it never really feel like you really wanted to know the truth? Because this is my truth, I wanted my walls pink, not grey… I wanted to join an art class instead of football in summers, Papa… while swimming at the farmhouse, when you used to ask me to take off my wet T-shirt… I felt naked, I felt embarrassed in front of everyone. that i did not fit in… i really want to apologize. My apologies to whoever I might have hurt I’ve done enough damage to the gender specific rules of this world. It would be better if I left this world now… Don’t feel bad for me.. because I am going to a place where my instincts won’t be a mistake, May be next time when I come, I won’t bring my mistakes back with me. I am no longer strong enough to fight with myself… It’s time to be the girl i was born to be It’s time to let go of this body my soul was trapped in It’s time to let go It’s time to set free.